All the beauty and splendor of the Taj Mahal and right outside its large balcony sits a huge river...filled with sewage and trash.  Makes no sense to me...and this river, as are most rivers in India, is a sacred spot where rituals of purification are performed and where loved ones ashes are thrown.

So today we began traveling at 7am and returned to our rooms around 11pm.  It was an incredibly exhausting day…6 hours to Agra to see the Taj Mahal and Agra Fort and then 4.5 hours back.  I felt pretty nauseous all day because of the travel.  And someone has stopped praying for my toilet experiences J after two weeks of mainly rice and soupy curry…I am in need of some broccoli and fiber!  Today I had to pay to use a bathroom (very common here) and the floor was sopping wet…not sure what it was, but GROSS.  I opened a stall door and to my surprise the stall was filled waist high with trash and a rat jumped off the top of it.  I screamed and the guys in my group heard me across to their side.  Needless to say I am ready for some good ole American bathrooms and American food!

I have really tried to embrace the differences here, as I was encouraged to.  I have tried to see beauty in all the experiences.   Yet I must admit that I am overwhelmed by how unfamiliar all of this country and its culture is to me.  I am longing for something familiar at this point.  In the midst of all our political drama back home I am struck by the fact that you have come to a country like this you have no idea how thankful we should be for the government we do have.  We have decent roads.  We have police who actually enforce laws.  Our communities have clean water, trash pick up and animal shelters. Our restaurants have FDA rating and regulations for handling our food.  We don’t have garbage dumps anywhere and everywhere.  We don’t have street vendors bombarding us constantly to haggle for a deal

I am struck by the lack of emotion I have been able to feel.  It has been hard to really sit and think about all I have seen.   I just have the images running through my mind.  It feels almost as if a wall has been built around my heart.  I am numb in some sense by this point.  I need a few days or months to assimilate this experience and figure out what to do with it.

I have heard much about Islam and Hinduism, which has been interesting, but I am missing some Jesus.  I have never experienced that feeling before on a trip like this.  But before have been in places where Christianity is a major religion.  Tomorrow my group will head to a Methodist Church to celebrate World Communion with all of you.  And while it means another early morning and I need sleep…I am not sure I have been so ready to take communion before.  And just the thought of that makes my eyes well up.  I need to experience some beauty and some grace…and while I know God is present and around everywhere here…tomorrow I look forward to experiencing the mystery of a sacrament that transcends place and time…even in India.   And I am betting that in that moment my heart is able to find a safe place to breath deep and exhale some of the stored up emotion that seems locked inside me.   

May we all experience God’s movement in the world tomorrow as we drink from the same cup!  

Finally today we had some plain old FUN!  We went to a mall, a local theater for classical Indian dancing, and then @Live a restaurant/bar.  It was great to unwind and laugh with some good people!  This is Mashed and me doing what he calls the Banabibi dance…Banabibi is the goddess of the forest... who if you pray to her, Muslims and Hindus believe, will protect you from being attacked by a tiger.  Like a rain dance we developed a Banabibi dance in hopes we WOULD see a tiger J  But to no avail 

Where I have been today in New Delhi and what I have seen:

Elephant walking down a major roadway...

India Gate...

Oldest minaret in India...

But this is who I am thinking about and missing!     My family...

Sawyer aka Bro Bro, Booger, Sawyerman...

Georgia aka Sissy, Georgie, Bunny...

And Steve aka...I won't share his pet names :)  

Sunderban:

Me heading to the ridiculously gross toilet on the boat...so gross but my team is so supportive 

 This is our boat and as we get off at our location...

 Riding the boat looking for tigers

 pictures of us playing All in The Family

The only tiger we saw...as a part of a cultural dance for our group!

Rice patties everywhere....we are in Asia.

Do you think you could find tigers in this think of Mangrove trees...we couldn't either.

So even though Sunderban is known as one of the world largest tiger reserves and each year more than 80 people are eaten by the tigers here…apparently the tigers are so elusive that unless you are to be eaten you will never see one L We have seen no tigers even though we have perused the rivers at a agonizingly slow pace (wake speed and slower) for hours upon hours!  All we saw were a few spotted dear, one egret, one kingfisher and one monitor lizard.  Alas we leave tomorrow to head 7 hours back to Calcutta before boarding a place to fly to Delhi…Have I mentioned I am tired of traveling???

I wrote this post a few days ago as we left Calcutta, but were were in too secluded a location to post it.  I am now in Delhi...

Leaving Calcutta:

Things I witnessed that gave me hope.

Each morning that you work at Missionaries of Charity you begin by meeting at the Mother House for Mass at 6am.  At 7am they serve a light breakfast of Chai, bananas and white loaf bread.  At 7:30am you all gather together in a very cramped room to recite Hail Mary’s and the following prayer:

Dear Lord, the Great Healer, I kneel before you, since every perfect gift must come from you.  I pray, give skill to my hands, clear vision to my mind, kindness and meekness to my heart.  Give me singleness of purpose, strength to lift up a part of the burden of my suffering fellow men, and a true realization of the privilege that is mine.  Take from my heart all guile and worldliness, that with the simple faith of a child, I may rely on you. 

We all sing together simple song that says “My hope is in Jesus…And All things will be well in the Lord.”

Then the Sisters as for any volunteers who are serving on the last day to come to the center of the room where everyone else sings:

“We thank you thank you thank, we Love you Love you Love you and we will Miss you Miss you Miss you.”

Then loud clapping erupts as in appreciation those who travel here to serve are thanked.  After this we all load up and travel to our homes to work.

What a true privilege I felt to stand in that group of folks…people from so many different countries, who all speak different languages, who look differently, who come from different faith backgrounds all because they want to learn to love their neighbor better and serve the poor. I was overwhelmed with that moment feeling like I was standing in the kingdom of God…the best of each person there to not for their own gain, but to serve another who was in need.  And the prayer we prayed everyday touched me deeply.  It helped me focus on how I was to lift a part of the burden of someone but I wasn’t expected to lift the whole thing.  And it reminded me of the tremendous privilege that is mine to be here and to have the life and opportunity that is mine.  And I shall never be able to pray enough to rid myself of all guile and worldliness.  It was a moving experience that often brought tears to my eyes.

I was pretty down after my last day of serving.  I have really struggled with what I consider to be the quality of life we are offering to the children I have worked with and it has brought lots of difficult questions and thoughts for me to wrestle with.  But last night I was at dinner with some of my team and they really challenged me to see God’s love in the actions taken towards these children.  That even though they are to live their life in the home they are children that others cast aside and did not care for.  Here at ShiShu Bhavan they are being cared for…they are being fed, they are being changed, they are being held and touched…they are loved regardless of the quality I consider their life to be.  They are loved.  I can’t say this knowledge magically makes all my questions and thoughts disappear, but I do believe that love is in action there.  Mother Teresa said give until it hurts.  I believe folks are giving until it hurts everyday.  She often said give until it hurts with a smile on your face…I certainly wasn’t able to do this all the time there, but I know others are able. 

I got to go to Kalighat yesterday afternoon and be with the women in the home for the Destitute and Dying.  `I don’t think the work would be any easier but I would have been so much more comfortable emotionally and theologically working with those women.  I chose to go to Shishu Bhavan because there we don’t use as many harsh detergents and chemicals and I don’t have the skin to hack those things.  I got to take water to women who were thirsty.  I got to hold hands and speak a few sentences.  I got to pick one woman up who fell out of bed.  And I even got to give one lady a back rub.  Those were good moments.  These were women found on the streets dying with no one to claim them, so the sisters bring them here to die and be treated with dignity and love.  It was very moving to spend a few minutes with them…very easy to me to feel God’s love towards them in that moment and know my part was to be a conduit of that love. 

Our last night in Calcutta on the rooftop of Kalighat home for the destitute and dying:

A few random things:

Panama team:  we have never seen so much bamboo!  Really it is everywhere because they are building temporary temples for a festival coming up.

I drove through the Calcutta city recycling center…where plastic is separated and sent somewhere else and all organic material…food, waste, etc. is basically composted in a MOUNTAIN high pile!  Then they spread it out over patches of land to grow vegetables.  I cannot express how bad this smelled!

A young girl offered herself to Eric in our group when leaving our compound.  Speechless…

We visited the oldest Kali temple in Calcutta.  It sits next to the opening of the Ganges River.  This river is considered holy and many rituals are performed there…including burning the bodies of people who die and then depositing their ashes into the water.  It smelled horrible.  And we noticed about 4 large covered with tarp objects that were wrapped tightly with string.  I asked what they wear since they resembled human bodies…the man replied…Oh we just have some statues covered up…Right!?  No one in our group thought that to be the case!